Four Seasons of Lonliness
by CruelYoru
Summary: My first songfic! It's to Four seasons of Lonliness hence the title by Boys II Men. Just a drabble on Hatori and the time he shared with Kana throughout the four seasons. Enjoy!


_**A/N: Okay! I'm really sorry if you find it to be too long. It's really hard to try and cut it down since there's so much more to Hatori-kun's past with Kana.This fic here is a song fic! Yaye!- It's written to the song "Four seasons of Lonliness" by Boys II Men. Just a drabble of Hatori. His reflections of the time he spent with Kana and the memories of her throughout the four seasons. Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: Yoru:** Hey, Hatori!_

_**Hatori: **What?_

_**Y:** Here! Hands him the seven dragon balls Okay, I wish for Fruits Basket to belong to me!_

_**H: **...? No._

_**Y: **...you suck._

_I don't own any of the Dragon Balls either..._

_**Four Seasons of Lonliness** By Cruel Yoru_

It had been hours since the Sohma family doctor had returned home from along day at the office away from his 'home' office. He had spent those hours gazing in to the grey skies above him which stirred memories. Cold, harsh memories that stung him like an icy wind upon his skin. He raised a hand to conceal his left eye.

"Strange" He thought.

"It hurts more than usual."

It had already been more than two years since the incident, yet he would still on the odd days feel a stinging sensation that shot throughout his eye causing him to wince a little. Even after the pain had subsided an even greater pain would soon emerge...the pain of remembering...her.

_'I long for the warmth of days gone by when you were mine,_

_but now those days are memories in time.'_

The snow lightly fell to the earth, slowly enveloping it within it's frozen blanket as it had done to Hatori's heart long ago.

His house had felt so warm while she was there, brightening up each room with her radiant smile, warming it with her laughter. The only sound to be heard now was the slow ticking of a clock. The only company he had was an old photograph that lay beside him as a constant reminder of what he once had...and what she still had.

_'Life's empty without you by my side._

_My heart belongs to you no matter what I try.'_

His two rather rambunctuous, yet caring cousins were in a continuous effort to help him find a new love.

"A new love" He spoke underneath his breath.

"That's a very reckless wish."

The dragon had always been incredibly sharp in realizing his 'hound' of a cousin Shigure's ulterior motives. One of which was his attempts to have him 'coincidentally' bump into Shiraki Mayuko. It was quite obvious to anyone that she liked him and Hatori was no simpleton. He could see it in her nervous figitting as he would approach her. He could hear it in her studders as he spoke with her. It was flattering to say the least and he enjoyed her company, but he didn't want her. He didn't want a new love.

What he really wanted was...

"Kana."

_'When I get the courage up to love somebody new_

_It always falls apart 'cause they just can't compare to you'_

_'Your love won't release me, I'm bound under ball and chain_

_Remeniscing our love as I watch four seasons change.'_

Leaning over his desk unable to peel himself from his documents, he heard a gentle tap at the entrance.

He didn't bother to look.

Then came a warm voice, "Hello in there. I'm Kana Sohma."

That was the first time he had heard her name. At that point, it was just like any other name, but in time it would become to him a translation of the word 'love'.

"Say, here's a question for you..."

Her question was forever etched in to his mind, as well as the answer.

"When the snow melts, what does it become?"

Most people like himself would answer, "Water of Course." but to the few in the world like her, the reply would be,

"It becomes Spring!"

Her cheerful optimism seemed to give him a hope, a thought that mabye his cage wasn't as small as had imagined, and that if she found a way in, then perhaps there was a way out as well.

He recalled the times when it would snow as they walked among the Sohma grounds. How playful she was, leaping into a snowbank grasping Hatori's hand, pulling him down with her. Swimming amongst the white sea ocean making snow angels alongside her. How adorable she was when she stuck out her tongue to catch the snowflakes. How he longed to sweep down and catch that mouth in a kiss.

_'In comes the winter breeze that chills the air and drifts the snow_

_and I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe.'_

Spring began breathing it's warm breath as they steadily grew closer during the short two months of their newfound love. Like the sakura trees, it was their time to blossom as well.

A simple ring brought the most breathtaking smile he had ever seen on her face. Too exctatic to contain her joy, without thinking she leapt into his arms embracing him tightly. He more than welcomed it. He revled in the display of affection, it was a sign of acceptance. He had always dreampt of that feeling, but never had it felt so real or blissful. It was Heaven, and her scent that filled his lungs lifted his spirit higher than any snow cloud could ever reach...

...If only for a moment.

_'When Springtime makes its way here Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your purfume.'_

He had been granted a trip with her, though it was work related. One of his patients who had very poor health had been sent to the Carribien area hoping the warm climate would improve their situation. Hatori and Kana were sent to check the patient's progression.

She had convinced the doctor with her pleading eyes and trembling lip (that always got him) to leave the files he had dragged along with them and go enjoy a day at the beach together. While she splashed about the shoreline, Hatori quietly read a book he had managed to sneak along with him.

She'd pouted to him, "You're no fun Hari!"

She'd definitely been spending too much time with Shigure. This was proven when she spilled freezing ocean water down his back. He chased her into the water determined to get her back twice as bad. They relentlessly splashed at eachother, laughing and smiling and running 'till he'd finally captured her hands. Setting the two of them off balance, both of them fell in the shallow tide. Holding himself above her, he went to apologuize, but was speechless the moment his eyes met hers. Seeing her lay beneath him dripping wet with eyes gazing lovingly into his made him unable to make sense of anything, he didn't even care to try. He was being drawn in closer to her as though there were a powerful magnetic pull.

Closer and closer...

POOF!

Apparently he had gotten too close and transformed. She rushed his tiny form to a secluded area where they were shielded by large rocks from intrusive eyes.

"I'm sorry! I'm SO sorry!" She wailed.

"It's alright." He assured. "It was actually my fault." He thought to himself.

POOF!

"EEP!" She spun around as fast as her head would allow, blushing violently. "I'm so sorry." She squeaked, squinting her eyes as tight as possible.

He lightly caressed up her arm to her shoulder, musing in her ear, "It's alright...I don't mind."

Their hearts raced as they touched eachother, kissed eachother...

...Loved eachother.

_'When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you_

_Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do.'_

He suddenly snaped back into reality as an enormus gust of wind hit his face prickling it with a thousand little needles. It felt very much like the day Akito had denied him Kana's hand in marriage. Unberable pain searing his eye and face, but he still felt a pain that was much worse than any physical injury he could ever recieve...

After releasing her from her memories of him, he had as little as possible to do with her as to not unlock any unwanted memories...at least that's what he told himself.

In truth, he just couldn't face her anymore. The pain was too much each time he saw her. Each smile that once wrapped his heart in warmth now tore and pulled at it. Each word she spoke that once soothed his ears screamed in them to the point he could've sworn they were bleeding.

She caught sight of him a couple months ago when autumn was near it's end. They spoke briefly, but to Hatori each passing moment felt like he had sat through the opening ceremonies that their family held every new years, and with the size of their family, they went on for quite a while. While he listened to her stories of what new events had happened in her life, he noticed the tall birch trees standing behind her. There were few leaves left on them. Each tiny one clinging for dear life, yet each time the wind softly passed by, a leaf would slowly flutter to the ground, lifless, defeated...dead and forgotten.

Though she stood right in front of him, he felt she was far away, that she wasn't there and he was all alone.

_'When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare,_

_when you're not here it doesn't feel the same.'_

He sat outside for a long time and slowly began to nod off. He jolted up from his half sleeping state. He really wasn't getting enough sleep. Actually, he's never gotten enough sleep, not for the past two years at least. Though he rarley dreamed of her anymore, his subconcious refused to let him forget. Each night before he would drift to sleep, he would think of the times they stayed up late together. Sometimes they read in silence, other times they just talked about everything on their minds, or they just sat there staring into eachothers eyes. He loved those nights with her the most. No words spoken, yet could hear every loving syllable through her eyes.

_'Remember the nights when we closed our eyes,_

_and vowed that you and I would be in love for all time.'_

Hatori felt a water droplet hit his hand resting in his lap. He looked up to the sky to find the clouds from earlier to be gone. He felt another droplet fall down, then realized they were comming from him.

"What...?"

He placed his fingers on his cheek feeling the salty tears stream down his face.

"Why...I haven't cried in years...so why now...?"

He mentally berated himself, "Stop it right now...you're an adult, this is unreasonable..."

The harder he tried to stop, the harder the tears flowed. This was the pent up sorrow he had held within unleashing itself.

He sat there for a while...too tired to get up and too tired to try and stop himself from crying.

_'Anytime I think about these things I shared with you,_

_I break down and cry 'cause I get so emotional'_

_'Until you release me I'm bound under ball and chain_

_Remeniscing our love as I watch four seasons change.'_

He wished he could move on...he wished he could find happiness, but he knew to have that he would have to have her again which was impossible. Even if he did have her again, he would only miss her.

_'This lonliness has crushed my heart_

_please let me love again_

_'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain_

_or four seasons will bring the lonliness again.'_

After a while, he quieted his sobs and retreated to his bed for the night. Curled up in his sheets, he continued to remenisce the time he spent with Kana. They ran through his mind a mile a minuite, the seasons he shared with her...

Winter...

_"Hatori look! It's a mistletoe! pucker up!"_

Sping...

_"Hatori, let's go see the sakura blossoms together!"_

Summer...

_"Hatori, I love you so much."_

Fall...

_"Hatori-san, did you hear! I'm enggaged!"_

A feeling of panic was taking hold of him, yet there was nothing he could do.

In the end, he felt he had nothing left anymore...

Not happiness...

Not love...

All he had left were his memories...

...memories he'd never share with her again.

_'Remember the warmth of days gone by.'_

_**A/N: Man that took me a while to write, but here it is finally! So what did ya think? Too long? I don't know, but I really wanted to get the emotions Hatori was feeling throughout the events in the story across to the readers...did it work? I really like this song too. I've always thought this song was well suited to Hatori's situation. I hope it wasn't too bad of a read for you. Thank you so much for reading it, I really do apreciate it! If you have any advice you'd like to give, I'd be more than happy to hear it! No flammers please, it's bad enough to have something you've created get torched, but to have someone torch it and not try to help you improve yourself is REALLY disheartening...Chiao!X3**_


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